My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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