Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
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You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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