Princesses don't give blow jobs
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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