Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
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after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
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I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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