my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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