guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
we're so committed to being not committed
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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