I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
