Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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