how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
