I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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