I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
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Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
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You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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