(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
