I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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