hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Randomize
