i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
