ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
