Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
