She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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