i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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