Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
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Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
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Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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