My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
