I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize