tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
