you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
