There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
