Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
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He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
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she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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