i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize