I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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