I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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