I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
