i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
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It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
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I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
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