I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
