This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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