the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
