i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
