We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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