Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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