Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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