Texts From Last Night

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  (813): View more from Florida

  If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.

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  (813): If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story. http://tfl.nu/womj
  Replies (14) Good night (655) Bad night (2436) Order T-Shirt
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue

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  (319): The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue http://tfl.nu/hmo2
  Replies (23) Good night (7997) Bad night (600) Order T-Shirt
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded

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  (306): This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded http://tfl.nu/nfzj
  Replies (59) Good night (1125) Bad night (6866) Order T-Shirt
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  (305): View more from Florida

  If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?

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  (305): If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet? http://tfl.nu/k73j
  Replies (22) Good night (1520) Bad night (4709) Order T-Shirt
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was

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  (402): All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was http://tfl.nu/p0yn
  Replies (13) Good night (7103) Bad night (887) Order T-Shirt
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  (210): View more from Texas

  I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink

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  (210): I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink http://tfl.nu/9ici
  Replies (9) Good night (7944) Bad night (1098) Order T-Shirt
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.

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  (816): My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis. http://tfl.nu/3uql
  Replies (10) Good night (5776) Bad night (685) Order T-Shirt
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.

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  (412): Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day. http://tfl.nu/ky2l
  Replies (6) Good night (1757) Bad night (842) Order T-Shirt
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark

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  (302): the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark http://tfl.nu/i1gh
  Replies (5) Good night (1552) Bad night (612) Order T-Shirt
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  (925): View more from California

  i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.

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  (925): i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year. http://tfl.nu/zp0f
  Replies (3) Good night (1228) Bad night (759) Order T-Shirt
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  (386): View more from Florida

  Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.

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  (386): Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line. http://tfl.nu/hznj
  Replies (10) Good night (647) Bad night (1474) Order T-Shirt
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.

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  (814): You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party. http://tfl.nu/277a
  Replies (3) Good night (1095) Bad night (328) Order T-Shirt
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.

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  (734): Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had. http://tfl.nu/a9pp
  Replies (7) Good night (576) Bad night (990) Order T-Shirt
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  (607): View more from New York

  Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.

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  (607): Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan. http://tfl.nu/ogj8
  Replies (0) Good night (783) Bad night (345) Order T-Shirt
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  (260): View more from Indiana

  One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.

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  (260): One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not. http://tfl.nu/b9k9
  Replies (6) Good night (547) Bad night (737) Order T-Shirt

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