for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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