We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
