I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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