i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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