He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
