HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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