who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
