Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I would ride that face into the sunset
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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