we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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