Umm I'm too high to move.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
