I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
