Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
