I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
