i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize