the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
We need to get me chipped asap
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
