I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
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I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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