i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
