Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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