I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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