I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize