After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
