My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
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